If I Could Go Back: By Amber Riley

If I Could Go Back:

I've spent 6 years fighting my case to prove my innocence and to try to save my life. The fight has really taken it's toll on my family and filled us all with strife.
I was only 16 and now I am almost 22. I pray that this is something you never go through.
I tried so hard to make my parents proud, now I hide my face when I stand in a crowd.
Take this cup from me and please let it pass.I was doing so well, was the best in my class.
I made a poor choice of friends ones that were hateful and cruel, they say maybe thiis is because I was bullied in school.
I pray with all my heart and soul that i make it back home. That I am afraid of too, this place now is all I know.
They want to give me life . To make an example out of me and they fail to notice I was just a teen.
They do not care about my good deeds, my grades, or me working so hard to always please.
They do not know how I saved strays, or that I was a volunteered at my church.
As I am now just a number,no face and no name, i sit in this system and i pray to be saved.
The few women I get close to either turn or go home. It is so scarey to feel so alone.
Will I one day be free to make a life of my own? To marry a good man have a family and house of my own? Or am I going to spend the rest of my life like this? Everyday feels like a test. I can't remember a full night of rest.
I love the rain yet I haven't felt it in years, the closest I get is my own salty tears.
I love animals and always did my best to save them, now I know first hand how cruel it is to cage them.
I don't want to be some example, statistic or even a check in some lawyer's deep pockets.
I want to reclaim my life and clear my name not live a life of a horrible fame.
Not even money to buy my way out, post bail,or pay an Attorney, as I hit my knees each night I wonder if God even hears me.
I don't want to live my life like a convict or crook, I know I should have been with my nose in a book.
I know how it feels to be lost and alone and it hurts even more knowing my parents don't have a home.They dedicated their lives to bring their baby girl back,they have lost it all except some bills in a stack.
I hope that young girls and boys alike too,that you never sit in a cell like I do with no one to trust not a cop nor a friend. When people go home you never know if you'll see them again.
Maybe I too am an Angel with broken wings who tried to grow up to fast, like the Devil's Puppet on strings.
If I could go back I'd change it all, do it over. Maybe next time I won't hand my life over.
++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++++++++ ++
By Amber Rose Riley 12/4/08 (Age 22)

++++++++++++ +++++++++ +++*She was Convicted March 30th of 1st degree Murder, after her Conflict panel attorney rested with not 1< witness for her defense,she also was told not to take the stand*On May 22nd she will be sentenced, the Mandatory sentence in california is 25 to life